Through My Eyes
by PearlyJammer
Summary: A seven chapter series on perspectives of seven characters about the events at the Statue of Liberty COMPLETE!
1. Rapunzel's Gold

Title: Rapunzel's Gold  
  
Author: Autumn  
  
Series: Through my Eyes  
  
E-mail: autumnleaves@autumnpenguins.com  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of the X-Men. The happy people that do are far richer than I. The bits of song belong to the band Coldplay.  
  
Distribution: DDFH, Autumn's Penguin Emporium. All others please ask first.  
  
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Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones Turn in to something beautiful. -Coldplay, "Yellow"  
  
Isn't she magnificent. Silvery white lines of perfection, her skin is golden. She is my Rumpelstiiltzkin. Spinning gold for me, yet taunting me with it, the price of it, flaunting the make of it and being rather selfish with it One life is hardly a sacrifice if it changes the world. She is a martyr in her own right, but doesn't realize her own significance. She is Rapunzel, she is Ophelia, she is Lilly Bart. Every tragic heroine meshed into a perfect skin. Pale, translucent, elegant, strong and deadly.  
  
Should we go into Christian lore, the girl would be significant as Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary. Her death is our rebirth. Like her predecessors before her, the choice to give life and to give up her own is not her decision. She was born with the golden skin, for good or ill we cannot say. My role is of the divine, egotistic as it sounds, it is the truth. Few people have the capacity to willingly take an innocent life and exploit it for their own intentions. Soldiers on the battlefield kill because they are told too, and they are against the enemy. The men, children and women are faceless and therefore are not real living beings.  
  
An innocent, one who is pure in some form or other is difficult. There is no broad brush label, there is no discoloring of who it is. People will hesitate, ignoring any of the possible benefits and seeing only the negative. Clinging to morals is crippling. Morals are funny contradictory things. Justice, righteousness etc. Everyone is born equal, yet children are treated differently, simply because we assume they are less capable and intelligent. Societies with a great respect with justice says it is wrong to kill, illegal even yet thousands are condemned to die every year by the blind eye of justice. Its amazing how thin of an excuse someone can invent to justify murder. Clothing, shoes, drugs, revenge, infidelity the list is endless. However, Rogue is the guilty one here. Should she refuse to do her duty and aid the cause, which will save thousands of mutants from a life of persecution, isn't she the one behaving as a criminal? Sentencing others to an unimaginable fate to save herself. A traitor in other hands. A death worthy penalty if there ever was one.  
  
I refuse to feel guilty. I am to be responsible for the death of an innocent, I accept that. But with that responsibility is the up side, which even as a realist I can see far outweighs the perceived negative side. Hope and a shot at life to be free. Freedom as a mutant, an escape from the social prison which has caged us on a global scale. It draws ever closer. Even the screams are fading as the light of hope stretches over the Atlantic. A holy light shines around the new Mother as she gives birth to her children.  
  
My Ophelia, Mary and Jesus is beautiful. Christ himself screamed out in pain as he lay on the cross. Mary undoubtedly shrieked as the savior was born. Her screams are to be expected, I do wish there was another way. I truly do. I've never been a sadist and I derive no pleasure from human suffering. Pain. The sound that draws the strong to the weak Predators to pray, parents to children. It excites them, it panics them and it gives them strength. It is a warning and a cry for help. Who will heed her cry?  
  
Cyclops? He would kill us both rather than risk me escaping. His moral compass is indeed full of Charles' brand of rational and logic. The end result is the thing which concerns them. Should it entail the loss of one, well tragedy is the hero's call. Neither will admit it. Doing the right thing as they say is so much easier to label in general than equally weighing all the components. We are the same, the three of us. Yet only I will see it and call it as it is.  
  
Jean Grey and Storm are out her tonight as well. The former is completely devoted to Cyclops. Her judgment is blinded by her affection and confidence in him. She will follow his orders on the field, trusting him to make the right choice. He will have his moment of doubt when they are tucked into shadows, she will reassure him. Storm on the other hand is harder to calculate. Her feelings do not interfere with her actions. It is her strength and her weakness. It is my own. I don't pretend that it is only a strength. Our shared trait allowed me to become close to Charles, and it is also what cause us to grow apart. The same cannot yet be said of the white haired woman. Time shall tell.  
  
The Wolverine is another matter altogether. He draws on his emotions to fuel his actions. It aids him to a degree. There is a tunnel vision in him that the others do not display with such a blatant energy. If any, he will insist on going to heroic efforts to save the girl. Speaking of the devil, I believe that my assessment of him was correct. For there is a shadow hovering over me, and it looks distinctly like a wolverine. 


	2. The Scent of Snow White

Title: Snow White's Scents  
  
Author: Autumn  
  
Series: Through My Eyes  
  
Disclaimer in part one ********  
  
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Marie is screaming. The worst sound I've ever heard. Purely animal, it is fear, excruciating pain and a cry for help. And I want too, need to answer that call. I don't care what it cost me. My health, my life if necessary. I know there is nothing I wouldn't do for the girl. I know I need to get her out of that damn thing before the screaming stops. I owe it too her. I mighta picked her up in the hills, but I fuckin' stabbed her yesterday. Odds aside, I genuinely want too help her. It's been too damn long since I felt that. And my concern for Marie brings out the protective instincts. Her safety means I need to know what kind of people she is surrounded by.  
  
Charles and buckethead have a lot of things in common. They're both passionate about their dream. They're stubborn, tenacious, and like too win. I might be talking out of my ass, but I have a way of pegging people, and I'm usually right. Take Jean for example. Her heart's in the right place, her hands ain't. Storm, well never really got to know her but she fights for what she believes in. Respectable in anyone. Cyke is basically a good guy, even if it is fun to give him shit. He wants to do the right thing, even if it means sacrificing someone on the team. I don't know if Jean knows that, but I have no doubt she'd go on to another place if it was the right thing to do. Bitter pill to swallow.  
  
It pisses me off that he's getting ready to blast Marie. I've gotta at least try to get to her, I just need the chance. If I failed, I tried, and Cyke will kill us all. I can see that fucker up there hovering, doesn't look surprised to see us down here. The X-Men see him as a menace, a psychotic one at that. But he's as lucid as Charles. They're two sides of the goddamn coin, but only one of them sees it. Three guesses as to whom. It doesn't take long to judge a character. Well for me it don't, you just gotta use your senses. Eyes ain't enough, smells, sounds and movement tell you everything you need to know.  
  
Magneto is the most controlled person I've ever seen. He holds himself in a confident posture; there is no doubt he knows what he wants and how to get it. He smells of hot steel. I don't know if it has something to do with his gift, but I'd say that influences it, but he's steel. Rigid, uncompromising and collected. He speaks fluently and with precision, not a word is wasted. He's not the madman that even some of the X-Men see him as; he's a fucking genius, which is more frightening and much worse.  
  
Cyclops. He's struggling with the burden that's been placed on his shoulders. He's overtaxed which anyone watching him walk can see. An entire pole up the ass is kind of hard to miss. Scottyboy is the leader. He's young and inexperienced, a dangerous combination anywhere. I have no doubt that he will one day fit the role that Charles has fashioned for him, but at the moment he's treading water. His smell if of gasoline. His power is unharnessable, and his emotions are conflicting. Should he loose control, he could explode. Jean is probably the most contradictory of the X-Men. She radiates power and intelligence, and beneath that mask of confidence is an underlying sense of frustration. It comes out in her behaviors most often directed at her lover. I don't doubt that she loves him, but we often take our frustrations out on those we are closest too. I suspect her frustrations come from her lack of progress in strengthening her powers. Charles holds her in high regard, and weather he knows it or not, he influences all of them. They're still like kids that want to please their teacher. Her scent is of electricity. There is a surge of the unnatural, fused with her own being.  
  
Storm is the most enigmatic. She is aloof, she is confident and has a commanding aura. Storm is shrewd and calculating. She works everything over in her mind and examines every angle before she weighs in with her two cents. Her stint as a goddess probably had something to do with her behavior. Despite that, she smells of earth freshly rained upon. Rich and natural. She is the ground of this team.  
  
Marie. Marie is everything and nothing. She is a mixture of dark and light. I can smell her now. It is the cold metallic smell of steel, Erik's imprint upon her and her own natural bouquet. Marie is smoke and water. I can't explain the duality, but she is both. Her personality is hickory smoke. Sweeter than any other brand of smoke, its light and pleasant when many are irritating. The water scent is not so much a unique spell as it is a diffusion of her natural scent mixed with another. It smelled diluted the day after I stabbed her, and I can smell the same change now. A unique scent, she will always be easy to find.  
  
The lack of hickory is makin' me nervous. I gotta get up there now. Before the smoke goes out, before she dies. That fucker will get what's coming to him. 


	3. Grim Tales

Title: Grim Tales  
  
Series: Through My Eyes  
  
A/N Third part of the series  
  
The precious installments can be found at www.autumnpenguins.com  
  
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Reach out and touch someone. Feelings. Everything in this world is so connected to that one sense. Baby animals learn their mother by scent and touch. Infants thrive on affection from their parents, without it we die. So why is it that I, out of five billion fucking people on the planet, cannot touch. I Am devoid of it, well unless I'm itchin' to kill something.  
  
It makes no sense. And its so goddamn unfair I just want to scream until I'm horse. I can feel hurt, and pain and joy and love, but I will never touch another human if I wish for their safety. I shall never feel another's hands on my body without a barrier between our skins. I cause harm to those I touch. I already hurt Logan by touching him, I shouldn't have. He let me, but I shouldn't have. My touch is as poisonous as a frost is deadly to plants.  
  
Its not fair. It is latterly hell on earth, why didn't I die? Why does the human spirit fight to live, even with a crippling condition? When people are blind, they depend on touch and sound, when they are deaf it is everything else. What about me? To look, to see, to hear, to smell, to taste, but never to touch. Textures are a memory too me, and so they will remain.  
  
Nobody at Charles' really understands what it feels like. I mean to feel what it really, feels like to be isolated. It is the worst feeling to be surrounded by everybody and know that at least half of the room is afraid of you. That you terrify them more than their worst fantasy, that touching you is their worst nightmare. On top of all that, you have your own fears. That your control will slip, that there will be an accident, and nothing will be the same again.  
  
There are so many emotions connected with touch. It defines part of our characters and plays a significant role in our relationships with our intimates and strangers alike. But I am outside of that, outside of something that the entire existence of humanity has in common. That is alienation.  
  
Jean understands a little bit. Her mutation manifested in a way that threw her whole life upside down. She was isolated; trying to get her thoughts together, get her head straight on. The Professor helped her. She pulled herself together and hasn't let anything stop her since then. Sometimes I think she's a little too enthusiastic about her work. Jean is a touchy feely person. I notice this about people, how they handle objects, how there hands move over things, it's a compulsion. Touching through vision, as if I can remember the textures by seeing another handle them. Jean touches everything. Her hands drag against walls, drape over people, and are in constant motion. I don't know if it's a habit she has always had, or something she developed as a doctor. After all, her hands are always in motion, if that's good or bad we'll leave for the jury.  
  
Scott is the opposite of Jean. He touches things only when he needs too, but that only applies to certain things. Mechanical things Scott handles with finesse and apparent zest. Books, Jean and his motorcycle get the same treatment. Fondness, and affection flow out of his arms when he touches them. Lightness with them, and carelessness, with everything else, pens, desks, most inanimate objects. I suppose it's not so different than what most people do, but with Scott, it's as if he is deliberately attempting to be detached from as many objects as possible.  
  
He knows about isolation. He knows what it is on some level, what its like to lack a use of a sense. He knows if he uncovers his eyes someone could easily be hurt. His prison is mine; he hides behind a visor, while I am sheathed in cloth. He gets it more than the others, what it feels like to need protection for other people 24 hours. I think he hates it as much as I do. The professor calls them gifts, but I'll bet Scott would trade his gift in if it meant he could look at the world and not see red.  
  
Logan is easier to gage, well too me he is. But part of that is cheating since I have a piece of him in my head now. Even before though I knew things about him. I know he's angry, and hurt. He puts on a false front, but his hands betray him. He touches things with no gentleness. He uses his hands to express his anger in a silent exercise. He uses his fists to pummel opponents and strike out at the metal inside of them. He crushes glasses and cans in his hands easily, they bleed because he makes them. Logan knows his own strength, he can control it in his mind, but his body betrays him.  
  
All that anger, all that suffering inside of him. It comes out through his touch. But not with me, he is gentle with me. You don't need to think long on that to realize what it means. I see inside of him, he knows that and he accepts it. He accepts what I am and he is not afraid of me. He is the only person here who does not fear me, and I am probably the only person who could conceivably kill him. That takes trust, something neither of us have much experience with. We trust each other that speaks for itself.  
  
Erik most likely has taken all of this into consideration. He is incredibly rehearsed, and ready for this. He has plans for me, whatever they are I'm sure its not good. He touched my shoulder without hesitation, he knows I can hurt him, and in my guts I know that he can hurt me. He will kill me; his hands are calm enough to do it. What I mean is that he shows no personality ticks in his touches. I'm sure he has them, but he guards them from me. He knows that hands give you away. There is simply nothing there; I know I am no match for it. Eriks hands are dead, and my own death will come soon. I knew it when he touched me, and I've never read a touch wrong. 


	4. Grey Sky Morning

Title: Grey Sky Morning  
  
Series: Through My Eyes 4/7  
  
Disclaimer in part one  
  
Previous parts can be found at:  
  
wwww.autumnpenguins.com  
  
or Fanfiction.net under PearlyJammer  
  
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My fiancé is capable of murder. It sounds terrible to hear, and though I've been a part of the team since the inception, I can't help but feel disgusted and repulsed. Scott would have let that girl die up there. It could have been me; he would have let me die. It's too much to take. Granted, when you go out there on the field, you know you are taking risks, you know that you depend on your teammates, you're prepared for it mentally. But emotionally nobody can accept that their partner would let them die if they felt it was the lesser of two evils. How am I supposed to accept that? How does anybody cope with that? I love Scott, and I want to marry him, but this is just too much.  
  
I know I've been different around him lately. It started about a week ago when I overheard him and Charles talking about battle strategy. Scott said he would sacrifice one of us if it were necessary. Charles asked him if that included me, and there was silence. We all know that it speaks so much more than an answer to an unpleasant question.  
  
I was angry and I was hurt. You never expect to hear something like that; it just never crossed my mind. So when Logan and Rogue came here I flirted with Logan. It was to get a reaction out of Scott, but it was more than that. I'll admit I was and still am a bit jealous of Rogue. She'd known Logan less than a week, yet he'd saved her life willingly over and over. He would cross the line of death for her, he briefly did and all this when he never knew his true feelings for her.  
  
He cared for her, he doesn't lover her. Not yet, but he will. Given time he will realize how much he loves her and Rogue will be a lucky woman. I can see it in her eyes that she reciprocates his feelings. They say it's just a crush, but I know it isn't. It is the same way I looked at Scott when I first fell in love with him all those years ago. She will have a man that would willingly die for her, not let her die. Who wouldn't be jealous of that? Whoever says they wouldn't be is lying. We all want love, we all want security. It's only natural. That being said, I regret letting jealousy get the better of me when Logan awoke from his coma. I gave him bullshit  
  
Ororo Munroe is such a beautiful person but she is alone. She pretends she doesn't mind, and I'm sure to an extent that she doesn't mind it at all. She functions perfectly by herself, but I know she has her moments of sorrow, everybody does at some time. But Ororo feels it more deeply than others. She is an incredibly spiritual and at times ethereal person. She feels so deeply she often hides behind an aloof façade.  
  
It is easier for her. She told me once that it was better to act as if nothing affected her too much than to cry at every hint of death and suffering. I'm certain she adopted this attitude when she was still in Africa, yet she has not yet dared to let her guard down. I hope one day she will find the will to do so; maybe then she'll open her heart to someone.  
  
My beloved Scott. He loves with open abandon; I can say this as I have been on the receiving end of it for the past eight years. He is giving, caring and always mindful of others. Perhaps that's why it has been such a struggle these past few days to come to terms with his alter ego, Cyclops. His admission was one that chilled me to the core. It was not something my love, my confident and my friend would say. It was more along the lines of what Magneto would.  
  
I can no longer deny that there is a darker side to Scott than I anticipated. His role as leader of the X-Men grows in these darkening times. I suppose I will have to swallow this biter pill eventually and analyze him with clinical detachment. It's the only way to avoid unpleasant surprises. If he is prepared to sacrifice a teammate, then it is only right I sacrifice my one dimensional image of Scott and instead see him for what he is, my loving partner, and Cyclops; the field soldier. I confess I have to look at that as two separate people. Knowing that my future husband is prepared to give up my life is something I cannot face. Could you? 


	5. Love is Blindness

Title: My Dark Life  
  
Series: Through My Eyes 5/7  
  
*Disclaimer in part One*  
  
Previous installments can be found at:  
  
www.autumnpenguins.com  
  
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"Love is blindness I don't want to see Won't you wrap the night Around me Take my heart Love is blindness" -U2  
  
We almost lost everything. The city, Rogue, Logan and Magneto almost got away. We still might loose Logan. He crashed on the way to the mansion but Jean worked all night and was able to save him. She thinks he'll wake up in a day or two; the professor woke already and is now resting. I'm due to meet him, but first I want to check on Jean. I'm worried about her. She's been different lately, and she holds a cold furry towards me that I suspect stems from a conversation I have reason to believe she overheard. Its one of the many things I intend to bring it up with Charles  
  
****  
  
"Nice to see you up Charles" I say, trying to hide the shock of how weak my strong professor looks.  
  
"Thank you Scott. How was the mission?"  
  
It's just like him to cut right into business first, especially when it concerns Erik. "It could have been a lot smoother. Logan was very useful." I can't keep myself from sounding clipped.  
  
"Scott, if you are angry about me with something, say so. Its not going to help either of us too keep me in the dark."  
  
"Your relationship with Magneto has got too end. It's brought us all a lot of suffering Charles. It almost brought 1,000 people to an end."  
  
"You blame me for something in my life that ended years ago." It's a question, not a statement. I can't say he sounds completely surprised, but I still can't quell the anger.  
  
"Erik knew about Cerebro, he knows your every move. He knows each of us by name. He knew we would be there, he set a trap Charles. He was ready for us."  
  
"Erik and I are friends Scott. I have a deep affection for him that is frankly, none of your business." he said with anger.  
  
"Don't you see Charles, you can't play both sides of the fence. You can't make nice with him and expect us to put our asses out on the line to stop him. You are asking me to risk my fiancé, my friends and my own life for your cause, for your goddamn dream! There has got to be some give, or I walk. I am not going to go through another night like that. I don't want to go into battle when the enemy knows all our weapons. Break it off with him Charles, I won't ask you again."  
  
"Love isn't that simple Scott, I'm sure you understand that" he says quietly.  
  
"Love is blindness." I say and leave the room.  
  
*******  
  
I was too upset to stay in there and say all the things I wanted to say. I did voice what was bothering me the most, and that's enough for one day. Its not everyday I tell off the man who has been like a father too me, or tell him I disapprove of his relationship or whatever it is. An afternoon isn't going to be enough to rebuild all the relationships that have been breeched this week, but I can at least start. And now the only thing I want to do is find Jean and explain what happened. But it's harder to open the door I'm now in front of than it was to face Charles. But I love her, I'm blind to fear I just want to, need to make things right.  
  
I know co the door, "Jean, can we talk?" 


	6. In the Ballance

Title: In the Balance  
  
Series: Through My Eyes 6/7  
  
** Disclaimer in Part One **  
  
Previous Parts can be found at:  
  
www.autumnpenguins.com  
  
***************  
  
Change. The one word that unites all of humanity. It can bring hope or sorrow to those affected. We learn from it, or we regret what we could have done. There are always those could have, and would have beens that haunt us. I know they are there because I can feel them all around me. I see it in Jean's face, I hear it in Rogue's voice, and I sense it in Scott's walk. Charles himself radiates conflict and he is struggling in which direction to turn towards.  
  
They are all going through their own personal struggles just as I am. It's amazing that we all inhabit the same house and the same grounds but we're in such different spaces at this time. We all hurt in different ways, and there's so much sorrow in the air that even those who weren't involved can feel the weight of our personal burdens. Emotions are so thick in the air, and there is great confusion. Its no wonder that the children can tell what happened was bigger than the few details they heard about.  
  
There are six main emotions floating around here, and though we all feel a bit of everything, we can all be associated with one of them. Jean is both the hardest and the easiest to identify. She has been walking around these past few days to stay busy. It's a brilliant disguise she is busy most of the time anyway so most people will not notice at face value that she is not herself. But on the staff wing its different. Jean is awake late into the night. I can hear her in the empty room she has taken up residence in. She and Scott have shared the same room now for six years, watching her move out was a shock.  
  
Jean is preoccupied with what might have been. She knows that Scott would have blasted Magneto to kill him, and by default Rogue. But she wonders if he could have and would have done the same if it were her in that machine. I believe that she knows in herself that the answer is yes. It hurts my heart to see Jean in such a painful place. She and I have known each other for 15 years and I have never seen her so devastated. It is the only appropriate word to describe her state. She is conflicted, angry, sad, confused, scared and disappointed. But mostly she is devastated.  
  
Scott is of course the center of Jean's world. He has been there for her and supported her, and the vice versa for him. But now he is in such agony and he's scared that he's about too loose her. Scott has weathered more than anyone should have to face at his age. He found happiness with Jean after so many years fraught with loss and hardship. Charles embraced him into the school and the cause immediately. Scott was groomed for the part of team leader ever since the idea formed in Charles mind.  
  
He had born the burdens that leadership brings, long before the X-Men were fully formed. Being a leader has become immersed into his personality. It affects him in every area, at times it seems like he forgets to relax, but Scott has always been intense. It's why I hate to see him like this. Full of regret, and utterly lost. Jean has been as much a part of him as leadership has. We all know that she is his world. And the two things which Scott holds most dearly, his role as a leader and his love for Jean have been pitted against each other with reprocutions that we didn't anticipate. He's feeling it now though. You can see it in everything he does. His posture is so tense nowadays, as if even his body is refusing to give him a brake. He knows as well as I do that his relationship with Jean is hanging in the balance, and no matter what happens, a change will surely take place.  
  
Rogue is also dealing with a heavy load. Yet she is taking all the events in stride and handling the trauma with remarkable resilience. The only time I see her truly sad is when she fingers what appear to be tags around her neck. She has not told anybody what they are, or what significance they have too her. For the first few days she displayed many characteristics from the three personalities fighting for dominance inside her head. Sometimes she was Logan; sometimes she was Magneto, and fewer still she was herself.  
  
Jean worked hard to stabilize Rogue, which was a double challenge, as she had no psychology or psychiatry experience. She stayed down there for nearly two days torn between jealousy and her instinct to help. Luckily the latter won out and Jean treated Rogue with the best of her ability. Since then, the young woman has attempted to shift through the situation on her own terms. Pain, confusion, bitterness and hope can be seen fighting on her features. But there are deeper feelings which she is choosing not too reveal other than to seal them off with resignation. For what happened, for herself or one of us we do not know. It's neither a hopeful look, nor a pained look when I glimpse it, but it is there. I am not worried about her; I think she'll manage just fine by herself. I only wish the rest of us had the grace to carry it off.  
  
Charles' emotions are all over the scale. He feels angry, sad, responsible, and many more things for how this all went down. He is angry with himself for what may be the destruction of Jean and Scott's relationship, but he feels that he was in the right to bring the topics of sacrifice up with Scott in the first place. In a way he does have a point, Scott is the leader, but on the other hand he loves Jean and Scott like they are his children and he would be heartbroken if anything happened to them.  
  
His relationship with Erik has been a sore point now for a long time, but I sense that he is finally contemplating ending it. They may not be lovers, but they are in love and a healthy love is the hardest to break off. Though we may not approve of whom Charles bestows his intimate affections on, we love him and we will support him as his family. But there is duplicity in our roles as family and X-Men. Scott was right when he brought up what our feelings on the matter were. It hurt Charles, but it was necessary. He realizes that, and I know whatever decision he makes it won't be an easy one, and it will affect all of us. I myself feel torn and saddened. That one event could cause such havoc on our lives. One man could nearly two of us, not too mention all the people at the conference. Because of this I have too see two people whom I love most in the world suffer so much. It angers me, and it makes me terribly sad in one fell swoop. I don't believe in hate. It wastes too much energy and gets you nowhere. But if I chose to hate one person it would be Magneto.  
  
As mutants we have all suffered hardships that are unique to our plight. Erik has seen things that none of us could imagine in our worst nightmare. That doesn't excuse his behaviors. He has chosen a path of blood that hurts anybody who crosses his path. He feeds off of Charles' information and his attentions. I do now doubt that he loves him, but Erik is capable of manipulating anyone and everyone.  
  
I still don't know where my role in all of this falls yet. As a woman, as a member of humanity, a mutant and an X-Men. Its all complicated and too complex too sum into a few simple words. Emotions are easier. They are constant and we feel them at all times, for good or for ill. At the moment I can feel pain, and fear, and worry. There is no rest in this time or worry. Too many elements are in the air, and too many things left unfinished. I can only hope that things will come to a head soon and we will see change. It will do us all some good to have things settled even if it comes out as negative. The waiting is the hardest part.  
  
TBC... 


	7. The End is the Begining

Title:  The End is the Beginning 

Series:  Through My Eyes 7/7 

* Disclaimer in part one*  

Previous parts can be found at: 

[www.autumnpenguins.com][1]

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            Love is Blindness.  Three small words with so much meaning and clarity inside them.  Scott is right of course because it is blindness.  It is the one thing that can put us in danger more than any other vice on the planet.  In a sense it is the most destructive weapon in anyone's arsenal.  I see that now.  Love is what we hold as the highest emotion.  It is universally celebrated, and the death of love is deemed sorrowful enough to refer to as heartbreak.  

            I see Jean and Scott right now and I can feel their pain.  Jean is projecting so strongly, and I want nothing more than to tell her that everything will be all right, that she and Scott will get over this and go on with their lives.  But I can't do that too her, I love her too much to hurt her. Though it pains me to see her struggling with this, I know I can't interfere with what is to be.  Scott and Jean are adults, not the lost children I took in all those years ago.  Everybody is rooting for them to pull through this, but it will not be easy. 

            I know Scott lays part of the blame with me, he would like to perhaps blame me completely but he is too noble and level headed for such theatrics.  I haven't spoken to Scott since he was in my office yesterday, but I have thought of little else since our conversation.  I remember when he and Jean became a couple, she was 28 and he was barely 20.  They were lucky to have Ororo as a friend.  She was the one who got them together and assured them that the age difference would matter to nobody.  All we, as their friends and family wanted for them was their happiness.  It's the most we can ask for the ones we love.  

            Ororo is trying to be there for everybody, and not concerning herself with her own emotions.  I have noticed her spending an extended amount of time with Rogue in the last few days.  I feel it is good for her; the other children have been rather distant towards her since the encounter with Wolverine.  Bobby and St. John have been the exceptions, and I pray their befriending of her will influence the others quickly.  I don't feel that she is in any danger of being completely alone though.  The Wolverine has taken a keen interest in her, which I feel is a magnificent thing. They could both benefit from some attention and I think they are a good match, or will be one day.

            I admit it was disconcerting to speak to Rogue a day after the event.  Her speech patterns were disturbingly like Erik's and Logan's.  However, after working with Jean, Rogue is finally back to herself and is to meet with me in about an hour.  I truly hope she chooses to stay on here.  I think it would benefit her and the team eventually should she choose to go down that road.  I have no designs for her future, but I can't deny that I think she would be a great asset with a few years of training.  I'd understand though if she didn't wish to join us, but I am an optimist at heart.            

            The tangled love lives of the inhabitants of this mansion have always been a cause for happiness and at times worry, but never so much as now.  We have all been forced to look at the dark side of love and examine if we have it in us to carry on.  Sacrifices will need to be made at many ends.  Love always requires sacrifice, even when it is a pure sacrifice.  Love can be a beautiful thing and it always has an element of magic too it.  

But if we're not careful it can consume us and twist a beautiful thing into something ugly.  Love can lead us to abuse, manipulation, death and hate.  I have seen the happy things that love brings, the caring, the intimacy, the friendship and just generally feeling content.  I am afraid that that time is over for us.  I am afraid that it has been over for a long time and I was too blind to see it. 

            Erik has manipulated me.  He's been using me to gain information about the X-Men, and I am ashamed to say he succeeded.  I told him more than I ever should have.  It is an unleveled playing field that my team is on and it is entirely my fault.  Erik is intelligent enough to devise a way to track the X-Jet.  He knew they would be there and he knew how to trap them.  I failed to see what his motivations were for asking the questions.  I failed my team for not being vigilant enough to know what was happening.  It is a mistake I can't afford to make again.   

   [1]: http://www.autumnpenguins.com/



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